it would be the second you touched my face and said "go, i know we will be fine"

here i am in krems again.
the feelings are mixed and overwhelming.
sad to leave you, happy to meet new friends, panic about the dissertation, grateful with my true friends' supports (thanks Mel and Sunny...), scared about the tests, sometimes angry with my decision to leave you, touched by my Mum's advices and comforts, and exciting about our plans to Italy.
At nights I will break down of panick and loneliness, at days I can smile and greet the sun.

but as they say, never depend your mood on the weather.

And as mixed those feelings are, one thing stay the same. the safe feeling from you.
I would be lying if I say I have many experiences and I've felt this kind of love.
I never knew this kind of feeling.
The feeling of security that the love is there, no need for reassurance, no space for doubts.
the love is there, even when we do not talk, see or touch.

I guess what we have built together, has now shown some fruits. This calming feeling is here because of what you have given me for those 2 years. I hope you take good care of yourself there. I'll be seeing you :)

i need to go to Austria again, for the second term of my exchange program..
the visa process is horrible..
i've been going back and forth to rijswijk, zoetermeer and den haag..
and have spent couple hundreds of euros, and i'm still without the visa, mind you...

the fact that i dont really want to go, makes it more annoying..

the guy who works in the austrian embassy in Holland can not speak dutch. ha.
there is only one embassy so we cant tell them to fuck off and go to their competitor.

Anyway, you dont want to mess with restaurant waiters or people who deal with your documents.
so whatever he requested from behind the counter to make my life a bit more difficult,
i'd just smile and say 'thanks for your help'

while the truth is i just want to cry or scream at him. or choke him.
now i know why they separate the counter with big glass.

hmm.. i miss indonesia, where my dad could find a friend and give some money and the papers will be done in a jiffy. hehe. cant help it. the corrupted mind. but really. it's nice....

other things...
yesterday was our second year anniversary... lately he is the only one who keeps me going..
TV is still the love of my life..
basketball is back..it's nice to be there again. the guys are sweet and will give a loud cheer when one of the girls score (it is a big accomplishment, you know). Anyhoe..it's refreshing to watch the people who just love the sport.

wish me luck..
l.l.d